To Lose A Heart
by Maxwell Alana
Summary: ( Shounen ai, Angst, Deathfic, 3+4) So bonded in love, you would think they would live forever, right? What if a simple illness took all the love away..in a heartbeat?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I didn't make them. I am not getting paid for this.  
  
Title: To Lose a Heart (Trowa's POV)  
  
Author: Asaka  
  
Pairings: 3x4. 4x3  
  
Contains: Yaoi, Angst,Violence, Language, Possible Deathfic  
  
  
  
He trembled in my arms as I slowly detached myself from his body. At first I wasn't surprised, since he was pretty much new to the feeling of sex. But this time, as I placed his head on my chest, there was a pain that jolted me in my heart as he layed there. Stroking his blonde hair, I lowered my eyes down to gaze into his. Something was not right, this wasn't my Arabian lover. I would understand that he would be quiet for the first few minutes to gain his strength, but he was too quiet. He was still trembling as well, pulling the red satin blankets up higher, I covered his bare body and held him closer to ensure him warmth. "Quatre?" I whisper to him," are you okay?" He didn't respond, but breathed a sigh. "Quatre..love..is something wrong?" I lifted his head up and kissed him gently on the forehead. Quatre looked up at me and smiled gently, then whispered. "The time is near...something will happen that will affect us both, I just don't know.." I quirked my brow at this. It was true that Quatre had premonitions about the possible future, but I sensed he knew more he was telling. I decided to drop it there for the night. Wrapping his arms around my waist, and laying his head on my chest, I smiled as he fell asleep. I, too then closed my eyes and slept. After a few hours of resting, I woke up and yawned softly. My blue eyes glanced down at Quatre's sleeping form and I smiled. Slipping out from my blonde angel's arms without awakening him, I went over to the bathroom to shower. As I cleaned my chest and lower abdomen, my thoughts wandered to what Quatre had said earlier after we made love. I wondered what he meant when he said that something was going to happen. Could it be something wrong? Or something good? Or could it be I have the water on too hot? Shaking my head, I turned off the water and pulled out a towel. Wrapping it around my waist, I lifted my left arm, (with my right arm holding the towel), I wiped the steam from the mirror to look at myself. A small smile came to my lips as I stared in. I had changed, I used to be a confused young man with no past or name. With no one to love or hold. Now I am a happy young man, my name being Trowa, and I love and will always hold my Arabian blonde angel, Quatre. Suddenly I heard a scream coming from the bedroom. Opening the door, I rushed in, to find Quatre grabbing on to his chest. My eyes widened, and I seemed to feel the same pain he did. I walked over to him as quickly as I could, but as I got closer, the pain we both seemed to experience became greater. My left arm quickly flew to my chest, as I tried to stop the pain. Soon, Quatre stopped screaming and became motionless. I thought at first that the pain ended, but a jolt into my heart told me something was wrong. "Quatre..? Quatre..wake up.." As I got to the bedside, I took in a painful breath. Taking his hand in my own, my eyes clouded with fear as he didn't squeeze it. He wouldn't open his eyes, or anything. Dropping his hand suddenly, I stood up, my eyes very wide. No, it couldn't be could it? 'The time is near...something will happen that will affect us both, I just don't know..' But I knew, and there was no way I was going to accept it. "No Quatre..nothing is going to happen between us. Nothing! You are my angel, and you shall live forever with me! Quatre? Quatre! Answer me Quatre! QUATRE!" By that time, I heard people gathering at the door, knocking, wondering what was wrong. I ignored them, my eyes were watering, focused directly at his face. What was happening, is it my fate to be happy for a little bit, then for everything to be torn apart? There is no way that was to happen. I went closer to him, and shook him, hoping to revive him, hoping I was dreaming........................................  
  
(to be continued...) 


	2. The Reality of the Vision

Disclaimer: I didn't make them. I am not getting paid for this.  
  
Title: To Lost A Heart - pt 2 ( Quatre's POV )  
  
Author: Asaka  
  
Pairings: 3x4, 4x3  
  
Contains: yaoi, angst, possible deathfic  
  
  
  
It was so warm, so loving of what he did for me. I was so tense that night, and Trowa gently, and  
  
carefully caressed me, phyically and mentally. He entered his love into me so softly, lovingly. I enjoyed  
  
every minute of it, I enjoyed when he said that he loved me. I remembered saying that I loved him too.  
  
When he climaxed into me it took away all my energy, causing me to tremble almost violently. Mostly since I  
  
was pretty much new to this. But as soon as I tried to calm down, I couldn't. I knew something was wrong at  
  
that moment that would bring pain to both myself and Trowa. He covered me with his blankets, and  
  
embraced me to become warm again. I eventually stopped the trembling, but I couldn't stop the strange  
  
heatness in my heart. It wasn't love, but anguish, pain, regret. I told Trowa, my love, my heart that  
  
something was going to happen, but I didn't know, he seemed to hold me even tighter, as if he thought that  
  
maybe something was going to happen to me. As I closed my eyes and fell asleep, my mind dreamed of  
  
what was going to happen. I couldn't read it clearly, but it had to do with Trowa losing his mind slowly and  
  
painfully. Myself, I was losing the battle to something. I heard beeping sounds, then a long, torturing beep.  
  
I also heard the sounds of people not to give up. I didn't know what it was. I also saw a light near me that  
  
told me to go to. I didn't know whether to listen to the light or the voices. I wanted to wake up and tell  
  
Trowa of my dream, but I couldn't wake up. The dream trapped me in a crossroad between the voices of  
  
people I knew, or the voice of this bright, tempting light. Then suddenly, as I attempted to follow the voice  
  
of the people I knew and cared about, a great jolt of pain seared through my heart. Nothing I had ever felt  
  
before. The heat that I felt earlier, was spreading, and becoming more painful by the second. I clutched at  
  
my chest and screamed out for help. I needed help, I was in so much pain. At first, I thought I heard Trowa's  
  
frantic voice for me to wake up, then sudden blackness. I am now in this black world, all alone. I called out  
  
for him. "Trowa? Trowa where are you!?" Looking down at myself, I was clothed in my usual clothes, and  
  
shining a strange white color. I heard the cries of sandess and anguish. They were familiar. "Trowa? Are  
  
you crying?" I walked over to where he was, I saw him kneeling by a gravesite weeping heavily. "Don't cry  
  
Trowa, I am right here.." He didn't seem to hear me. As I approached him, I attempted to place my hand on  
  
his shoulder. But shockingly, my hand went through his shoulder. My eyes widened. Then staring at the  
  
grave my Trowa, my beloved was weeping in front of, my hand clutched my chest again. Another wave of  
  
pain seared through me. It was my own grave..or was it? All I knew was that is said...'Quatre Rababera  
  
Winner...born AC 180-AC 197. Missed greatly by his fellow comrades, family, and love. "Lord, what is  
  
this? My possible..future?"  
  
( to be continued..... )  
  
~Asaka 


	3. Will He Be Okay ..?

Disclaimer: I didn't make them. I am not getting paid for this.  
  
Title: To Lose A Heart pt 3 (Trowa's and Quatre's POV)  
  
Author: Asaka  
  
Pairings: 3x4,4x3  
  
Contains: yaoi, angst, possible deathfic  
  
  
  
I watch them place Quatre on the stretcher, all the machines making beeping sounds, and Quatre himself, breathing very shallow. I clenched my fists tightly, and held them to my side. By this time I was clothed on my usual green turtleneck and blue jeans. I began to follow, but the paramedic told me that there was no room in the ambulance for myself. I began to protest, but stopped myself. Yes, it hurt to watch him leave, but I couldn't lose my common sense because of it. The pain still lingered in my heart, and it told me that only the hospital and treatment wasn't going to save him. He was an angel, a mortal angel, and the possibility of death was in the air, smelling strong. Walking down the stairs, as they used the elevator, I kept thinking, over and over, about what he said. I feared for the worst, but he wouldn't give himself up to that future. At least, that is what I think, I am not too sure myself what he thinks. When I fought him, when he was using Zero for the first time, it showed that his fight to live, and even die were extremely great. I hoped for the same results on his life now. Walking out of the apartment buildings, I slipped into my bike. Putting my helmet on, I said out loud, "Quatre...don't give up." Revving the moter up, I sped off, following the ambulance.........  
  
As I arrived at the hospital, I ran in through emergency, with my helmet still on. The security managed to stop me somewhat, but I struggled and glared at them. Pulling off my helmet I gave them my ID. "Trowa Barton, I am here to see a Quatre Rababera Winner." The cop walked me over to the nurse where she signed me in.  
  
"Sir, you will have to wait in the waiting room while we stablize him and place him in a proper room."  
  
I nodded and walked into the waiting room, watching the clock tick each minute. It was rather annoying just waiting. I was becoming edgy and worried. Quatre had to make it, he just had to. I didn't know what I would do without him. I wondered how he did in the room..without me...I wondered, if he would make it without me in there..to hold his hands..or to carress his beautiful face. Oh how I hope...so much... 


	4. It Cannot Be True ...

**************************************  
  
Part 4:  
  
  
  
(Quatre's POV)  
  
It hurt..the pain in my chest, the pain of not knowing where I was going to live or die. I was currently semi-conscious at the moment, watching the doctors inject and remove blood. I blocked out all that pain though. I wanted to put myself at ease, to close my eyes and be in a new world where there was no sadness, no one crying. No more pain. A voice told me though, that if I were to travel to this new world, I would leave my loved ones behind until they were ready to come as well. I had considered this many times, as I was sick. When I believed myself to be a test-tube baby, and treated as if I were not as smart. When I found out I was the cause of mother's death. My life was at a twist of regret and sorrow. When I decided to become a Gundam pilot, I was very nervous about the dishonor I was doing. I knew it was the right thing, but why did it have to rip my heart apart at the same time. So many doubts and so much dishonor to my family. As I arrived on earth, I was alone. I had the maguanac forces with me, but deeply, I was alone. Then I met Trowa. My thought of the new world, the world without pain, violence, sadness, that is was all there, wrapped in the innocent, quiet package known as Trowa Barton. Unknowingly he had been the one who opened my eyes to this beautiful world known as earth. The thought of losing him was a burden and I always tried my best to protect him under any circumstances. I was very shy with my feelings around Trowa, but we managed to stay great friends through and through, even when I nearly killed him with the Zero System. It was a heartbreak to see the explosion, but I felt no pain, so I knew he was alive, somewhere. My world still existed, when Trowa was by my side. Even now...I opened my eyes slowly, allowing the pain to overflow my body. It wasn't as bad as before, but still painful. Looking to my side, was Trowa. His eyes were watering, and tears flowed down his cheeks. "What's wrong Trowa? Why so sad?" He didn't seem to hear me, he stood up and brushed his hand against my cheek. Leaning close, he kissed my lips softly, and whispered.  
  
"Don't leave me..Quatre..please. Fight to stay with me always..." My eyes watered at that, and I spoke again to him, but my voice disappeared, and I couldn't tell him how much I loved him. Soon the nurse came in, and spoke to Trowa in a voice so low...I couldn't hear. Trowa's eyes widened, and I heard him shout out a protest. The nurse placed a hand on his shoulder, and shook her head slowly. Trowa's fists curled up into balls, and he was breathing heavily. Suddenly, he began to cry once again, his throat choking for air every few moments. I soon felt a warm light upon me. Looking at the other direction, my pain was fading away. I smiled, my world was coming back afterall. I wanted my pain to stop, and as I held my arms up, towards it, the light seemed to help me get better. I then stopped, and looked back at the sobbing young man, my love, who sobbed for me, for my life. I was mroe than halfway towards the light and decided not to go, to face the pain, to live with my own portable world on earth. As I approached the other side, something blocked me. I couldn't go forward to my own life, I could only feel the pain becoming fainter and fainter. Suddenly I heard a crucial, loud sound. It went like this...'Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...................'  
  
(Trowa's POV)  
  
He was dying, it was an obvious scene as I looked at his still form. Oh Quatre, you have been the light in my life, don't fizz out the light please. I sat next to him, watching every second in hopes that he would wake up, or sit up. A miracle perhaps, but it wasn't happening. God I was cursed like this. I knew he was fighting, but people only have so much fighting power, and Quatre's was about gone. My eyes watered, and tears spilled down my face as I thought about all the times we were together. From ever since I met him on earth, to when he was influenced by the Zero System. Through the whole entire battles we had fought together, I remembered. His kind smile, his beautiful blue eyes. I stood up and leaned over the bed, carressing his cold, pale cheek, my tears fell on his face as I leaned in and gave him a gentle, soft kiss. "Don't leave me...Quatre..please. Fight to stay with me always..." They were all futile words, since words don't bring back someone. They don't...magically cause someone to jump out of the bed screaming out, that they were alive and well. Leaning up, I heard someone at the door, the nurse. I walked over to her, hoping for some good news about Quatre's health. She had this..regretful and saddened look on her face that I had just confirmed my fears.  
  
"I am sorry Mr. Barton...but the tests showed that he has a fatal blockage in the main artery. I believe if we tried surgery he would die in the middle. We have nothing else to do..I am sorry.." My hands balled up into fists, and I shook my head as I shouted back.  
  
"Don't you dare tell me that Quatre is dying! He won't die I tell you, he is a true fighter I know that!" The nurse just placed her hand on my shoulder and shook her head sadly. As she turned around and left, I muttered a low curse and turned back to Quatre. My eyes had watered once again as I sat by him. Covering my head in my hands, I began to sob. I had a deep feeling of hurt in my heart, I knew I was gonna lose him. But I had no idea how quickly it would be as I heard that regretful sound. "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............'  
  
(3rd person POV)  
  
The doctors rushed Quatre into ICU, trying to keep him alive as much as possible. Trowa, who ran behind him, was still crying. He knew the truth, he knew the doctors couldn't save him. They all went into a secluded area where visitors weren't allowed. Trowa stared off at the door, and remembered Quatre's face the last time he saw it. For he knew it was going to be the last time. Walking back into the waiting room, Trowa didn't have to wait 10 minutes before the doctor came him, looking very sorrowful. Trowa covered his face once again and whispered, as he slowly began to sob.  
  
"He is dead..isn't he?" The doctor sat next to him and nodded.  
  
"I am sorry, we tried all that we could Mr. Barton. Mr. Winner has died of cardiologic failure. There was no way that we could have saved him. If you wish, you can see him, and pay your respects..." The doctor then got up and walked out of the room. Trowa kept his eyes closed as he too got up and walked out of the waiting area. He was still there, the same room, just with nothing left. Trowa approached the bedside and took hold of Quatre's cold hand. He shivered slightly as the sudden feeling. Then as though he couldn't believe it at all, Trowa fell to his knees and sobbed more than he ever before in his life, trembling violently.  
  
"Quatre! Why did you die why!? Why did you leave me! Now I have to be alone, without you!" The doctors and nurses ran into the room, and were forced to restrain Trowa, as another nurse placed a blanket over Quatre's head. "Nooo! Don't, he is still alive! I know it..just let me be near him!" The doctor forced Trowa out of the room as much as he can. The nurses pitied the young adolescent....  
  
************************  
  
The funeral was long, and very mournful. Trowa had his closedt friend by his side. Heero, Duo, and Wufei. They helped support his sorrow in everyway possible, but it just didn't help out one bit. It was much too painful for anyone to bear. They were forced to restrain him once again, as the minister closed the casket. The pallbearers, which included Rashim and Heero, took the casket to the car, where it was to be transported to the cemetary. The burial was harder on Trowa, his mind especially. The look on his face when the dirt was placed in was almost..insanity. He wasted all his tears the night Quatre died. What was left was a lost boy who lost his mind. Everytime he had to visit the burial area, Trowa always collapsed to his knees and sobbed. But his cries didn't last too long, since he had always believed that he saw Quatre, with his hand on Trowa's shoulder, each time he visited................  
  
-Owari- 


End file.
